He doesn’t tweet often but when he does, it’s perfect!
an iridescent altocumulus cloud
All hail the glow-cloud!
the assassination of franz ferdinand was actually the most hilariously botched assassination attempt of all time though like i can’t even explain to you how badly it went i mean there were six guys and the first…
one day im going to build myself a super powerful computer and i’m going to use this as the keyboard
just you try and fucking stop me
Baby Avengers Assemble!!!
Academic decathlon and the whole 9 yards.
some guy in the sa weird fanart thread wanted “sexy pictures of advil” because he “bet his friend” that it didnt exist. im pretty sure he wants to fuck advil. heres to you, you advil fucker
youre welcome aspirin fucker
the view from my bedroom window October 10th, 2013 and November 27th, 2013
Same goes for DESPERATION = A ROPE ENDS IT,
THE EYES = THEY SEE,
THE MORSE CODE = HERE COME DOTS,
DORMITORY = DIRTY ROOM,
SLOT MACHINES = CASH LOST IN ME,
ELECTION RESULTS = LIES - LET’S RECOUNT,
SNOOZE ALARMS = ALAS! NO MORE Z’S
you don’t understand i would sell my firstborn to know how this story started
Well it all started when Mrs. Hayfer wanted me to babysit her dumb house. When I got the keys, I sat them on top of this pie that I found on the counter. I knew it was going to be given to the family for desert if I didn’t eat it soon, so I was going to plan to eat it in my teacher’s house and dump all the crumbs on her bed. So it’s a win-win, right? Besides, she wouldn’t find out about the crumbs until after I was paid, and this teacher hates me anyway. Then, I got distracted when this hot cheerleader calls me, asking about what movie I’d recommend, but before I could answer, I realize that my mom would be there any second to serve dinner, and there was no way I was sharing that pie. So I bust out of there with the pie and the keys, and the moment I get in the house, I start chowing down on the pie with my bare hands, trying to eat this thing before anyone knows I took it, right? Well, since the pie crust was dry, I chugged a 2-liter bottle of soda whenever my throat would get dry and eventually, I really needed “to go.” Only when I went to flush, the water wouldn’t stop flowing and there was no plunger to be found. Usually I’d just shrug and say it was Josh’s fault or something, but let’s get real here, Mrs. Hayfer would’ve blamed me about her toilet overflowing if I was 30 states away. So I jammed my foot in there, hoping it’d make the toilet stop flushing. Then my phone rings, and I knew it was my mom, asking where her pie went, and because Meghan decided it’d be a great idea to make my ring tone a bunch of cats meowing, Mrs. Hayfer’s dog, Tiberius starts freaking out, bashing into the door over and over again. Now anyone who knows this dog knows that this dog will happily eat anything, and that includes the pie, and probably myself. So my foot’s totally stuck in there right, I’m freaking out, the dog’s having a seizure and I still got half a pie left.
i feel it necessary to reblog since i just read that whole thing